nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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