I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
