3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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