Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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