I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
