im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
