I heard we made out
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
