I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
