Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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