Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Randomize
