so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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