Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
