I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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