You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
