I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize