i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
