Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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