dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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