How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
