you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
