did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Acid is not a monday night drug
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
