I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
