dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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