I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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