She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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