Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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