you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
