It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
