I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
