people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
