Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
