you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
