I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
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Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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