You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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