The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
