Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
