As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
