My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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