Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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