it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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