Pappa wants mamma naked
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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