Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
