I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
