Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the day after is always just damage control
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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