It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
