hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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