so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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