I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
