Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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