he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
