My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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