I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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