turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
