Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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