it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
