You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
