why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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