she woke up with a sticky ear
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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