i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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