just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hippo gnu deer
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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