I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
