i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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