thus making me awesome and them whores
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
