she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
