I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Randomize
