At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i've created a new STD.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
