Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
