i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
