The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
