I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
