I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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