im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
