Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

the vacuum is drunk

(703): View more from Virginia

what?

(908): View more from New Jersey

i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

Fav 17 3099 1075
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(201): View more from New Jersey

there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen

Fav 17 6011 1377
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I wasted some perfectly good semen on her

Fav 17 1274 5374
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(361): View more from Texas

Did i throw a brick at someone last night?

Fav 15 6100 1787
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(510): View more from California

Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting

Fav 10 1215 3140
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(503): View more from Oregon

My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.

Fav 5 656 1348
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(678): View more from Georgia

You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.

Fav 1 658 887
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts

Fav 1 12 67
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(863): View more from Florida

They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.

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