; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
